Jacob

iowaismine @ 2006-07-27T23:22:00

2006-07-28T04:25:17Z

I went to chicago last weekend and got some recording done. It's still a long ways off, but the little we did turned out great. I'm pretty sure I'll be making a full-length instead of a wimpy EP. Hope things are going well for all of you, it's been a while since I've been on here. I'm still in limbo about what I'm doing in the fall. I did, however, pick up an application for faith baptist bible college here in town. The idea of going there kinda wierds me out, but I think I would survive. Have a nice night, take care.

-Jacob

I'll make it up to you right now at the penny arcade

2006-03-14T16:32:14Z

Every school year about this time I get very apathetic, and I'm sure I'm not alone. I'll probably not go to school next year (or maybe I will?) but undoubtably I will be upset with myself if I don't, but only until about this time next year. What ev. Getting married in May. Oh, I've booked a couple shows where I'll be playing all by my lonesome, it'll be the first time I've played live in over a year and the first time I've ever played by myself. eeks! you can see for yourself at myspace.com/jacobtylerwolfgang That's my full Christian name plus my given name. Got beat up in philosophy class again this morning. I think the arguments against there being a God are very cogent, thorough and intelligent, however, they ultimately appeal to your logic. But that's what is so convincing about them; we love our logic! I was reading Dr. Ryrie the other day and he was telling me about Satan's counter-doctrines. This satan character likes to mimic God's doctrines. So if you have faith as being a God-given doctrine, you have logic being it's counter doctrine. It's pretty much the difference between what God says we should believe and what we actually do. So I'm just saying that people shouldn't jump to the conclusion that they can figure everything out; it'll get you into a lot of trouble epistemologically. I just get frusterated in that class because my professor is trying to prove that God doesn't exist, however, it is through something that supersedes logic that I believe in His existence. What ev. Everyday after that class I walk out into a group of people muttering to myself, "jump off a bridge", or something like that. I'm giving myself Kudos, two of them.

February 2006

2006-02-09T06:29:34Z

I just finished my taxes online and completely free. The return should be deposited into my checking account within a couple weeks. Direct your web browser to TaxEngine.com. It's free for federal tax returns and a bunch of state returns including Iowa and Michigan. Most sites offer free federal returns and then charge you for the state return. Do not be duped. It's also surprisingly easy to use.

I have a philosophy class at DMACC and we've been hammering away at the question of "is it reasonable to believe in God?" and it gets hard to have the only informed Christian view on the subject in the class especially when the teacher is Agnostic and loves to hate God, (if He does exist) as it would seem. That's been an interesting and challenging class; a natural blessing, even at 8AM. I feel like God has been doing a lot in my life lately. I've become more involved and interested in theology, apologetics, the way God wants us to live, and what His word says to us... etc., lately and the desire to learn more intensified two weeks ago when I was helping my brother with a youth retreat in Michigan. The speaker was one of Joel's professors at Cornerstone in Grand Rapids, and he was able to speak with such authority on biblical matters that I realized that that should be my goal. So maybe 2006 will see me enrolled in a bible school somewhere and making a record (along with getting married).

Which brings me to my third point of interest. The wedding is going down on May 19, 2006 (that's a Friday) at Schloss Vollrads (that's a castle) in the Rheingau (meaning "on the Rhein River"), Germany. Here it is.

There are more pictures at SchlossVollrads.de. I'd love it if you and yours' would like to come, it's gorgeous country out there. My Mom just sold her house and came out way ahead so she is buying the plane tickets for Sarah and I, Joel and Shari, Justin, her, etc... That's a huge blessing. I doubt she'll pay for yours though, sorry. ;) I hope to keep you updated on all this stuff. Remind me if I don't, ok?

New Year's Resolution #1

2006-01-04T07:42:40Z

Boy it sure was good to be home for a while. I've posted some new songs on my artist myspace page and I've resolved for the new year to, once again, actively pursue music performance. Cheers.

coming home

2005-12-25T07:24:32Z

Sarah and I are driving up to Michigan wednesday night (28th) after she gets off work at around 4 or 5 in the afternoon. We should be getting home around 1 or 2 in the morning or thereabouts. Hopefully I'll be able to see all of you, but my time is limited; we are Iowa-bound on the 2nd. Sarah got me some sweet sweaters and socks as well as the awesome harmonica you see me playing in my new profile picture. What a sweetie. Oh, and I got her a new digital camera, thus the new picture of me. Were my intentions pure? Maybe purely selfish!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA

iowaismine @ 2005-11-10T23:54:00

2005-11-11T06:02:34Z

I have a couple more weeks to go before winter break. yes. I will be coming up to michigan just after christmas for the week leading up to New Year's and I will really be wanting to see some sexy michiganders. So, I got a check in the mail from my school for a scholarship I didn't apply for. So, I think I'm going to buy me an early christmas present. I was looking at getting one of these. Any thoughts? Why this guitar? I don't know, I know Corban always wanted one and the guy from lovedrug has three, so I thought it must be pretty nice. I need an opinion from ry-guy, however. Anyways, that is all. I good you bid night.

-Jacob

iowaismine @ 2005-11-04T11:56:00

2005-11-04T17:56:37Z

So Sarah and I went to Des Moines last night to see Anathallo and they were very good. They played a whole new set and for what it's worth I think it's their best stuff. Anyways, all 100 of them stayed at my house and we had a good time. I wish more of my friends from Michigan would bare the wilderness trek to Iowa to see me. What ev. See you soon.

-Jacob

I have a lot of homework to do tomorrow.

2005-10-29T06:12:54Z

I guess I'm sick and I really enjoy NyQuil. I saw an advisor yesterday at the school who told me I will still need 24 credit hours to meet the requirements for an AA in Liberal Arts degree. So we're looking at a heavier load for the spring semester than the 17 I'm currently enrolled in. Sarah and I are thinking about moving back to the greatest state in the land of the free next year sometime after we get married. I would like that a lot. Oh, and I downloaded No Direction Home: Bob Dylan, the documentary Martin Scorcese put out this year. It is very good. I miss you all very much.

iowaismine @ 2005-09-26T11:30:00

2005-09-26T16:32:40Z

Well, I thought the timing was perfect because her parent's are in town. Sarah's parents are missionaries to Germany, and they came home this month for the first time in like two years. I've been dating Sarah for three years and I haven't really seen them a whole lot. Anyways, so I had bought Sigur Ros tickets about a month ago and just last week I decided to get dinner reservations, and then I thought to myself, if I don't propose this weekend, I'll have to buy a really expensive dinner some other time to do it. So this is the business major in me, being cost effective and all. So I decided last Tuesday that I'd do it that weekend (Saturday). So I went to the mall on Friday and looked at a bunch of rings before finding one I thought was sweet. Bought it, went home and asked her parents for their blessing, which was easier than it sounds. They were very gracious and excited. So, here's the cheesy part. We were in this plaza thing in Minneapolis before the concert. And there was this huge fountain in there, and we threw in pennies and I asked her what her wish was. It was a little hard to get it out of her, but eventually she told me that she wished the time until we got married would go by quicker. And then I pulled out the ring and said I wished she would say yes. So that's the cheesy part, but all the old women at church loved it. It's exciting. We're looking at getting married next Fall, probably in Iowa. I was thinking about having two receptions, one out here and one in michigan, but I'm pretty sure it would cost more than we would make in gifts. (More of the business major) But that's not a completely cold and non-emotional decision, who wants to go into marriage with a loss? You know? Somebody's got to have their head on straight during this whole time, and that'll be me. So, yes, we're all very excited, but it seems like less of a big deal than everybody makes it out to be. More like a formality, almost; we'd been talking about it for a very long time now, and her mom even took her out wedding dress shopping before she knew I was going to propose. What ev. It's exciting.

iowaismine @ 2005-08-25T11:46:00

2005-08-25T16:49:30Z

I went paintballing last Saturday with Sarah's brothers. In the first game I got hit on the side of the head, right by my temple. Huge welt. Then, I threw up. By Tuesday I noticed the poison ivy. Bad day for me. Today I registered for classes at DMACC that start Monday. That sounds about right. Don't want to get stuff done too early. Make sure you look me up on the Facebook. Ha. You have to have a limit of how many journals you can have. Xanga, LJ, Myspace... you have to start deleting them sooner or later. I mean, what are you really looking for? Ok, maybe there is room for one more. Have a nice day.

iowaismine @ 2005-07-15T21:24:00

2005-07-17T02:27:13Z

Ok, I moved to Ankeny, and I live in a one bedroom apartment that is a stone's throw from my G/F's house. I started a new job at a new warehouse, making more money than I've ever made in my life. I sold my bass amp today to a rocker-redneck from Missouri. I am registering for classes at DMACC soon. I bought tickets today to see Sigur Ros in September; their new record is coming out 9/12 and the website says it's their best stuff yet. Awaiting the new PJ record, jealous of Dan for the first time in my life because he's actually seeing them. Can you believe it's been two years since we saw them? Anyways, trying to stay alive, trying to keep my head together. Taking it one day at a time.

my house was burned down by rednecks.

2005-05-27T06:18:12Z

Dear Diary,

A couple of days ago I was informed that my beloved childhood home outside of a little tiny town called Ithaca in the rural Michigan landscape was burned to the ground by rednecks. The people that bought it from us suck. The lady flicked her cigarette off the porch INTO A CAN OF GASOLINE. THINK PEOPLE! Here are some pictures.

enjoy

night off work

2005-04-08T16:31:36Z

Geesh, I can't believe it's been like two weeks since I updated. I am not kidding, almost every waking moment is spent at my job and I'm going to kill myself. I was supposed to go see Copeland and Lovedrug tonight in Des Moines, but, the house of bricks is dumb and really wanted to be moved into their new facility by today, but let us know today that they wouldn't be. Don't ever take your fabulously rock indie band there, ok? Ban them. Ban them all. House shows, whoo!! basement stairs rhodes = suck city. Pope is now in the ground, big deal. Jesus Christ's death didn't get this much press. Can you believe that they call the pope "Holy Father"?! that is just dumb. There is so much idolatry in the Catholic church that it is truly sacrilegious. I'm still going down to see Sarah tonight, take her out for a big dinner with my new scratch ($$$). I keep wanting to make a big long list of all the dumb things Greg has ever said, but it's just so overwhelming! Let me try now.

Things Greg has said:

"Oh, Hell is in my body."
"Go!"
"See ya."
"I just need to touch a moderately attractive woman."
"Oh, I hate my life."
*Various profane gay raps*

I have forgotten a lot, but hopefully Ryan will help me out in subsequent postings. Check below.

iowaismine @ 2005-03-25T19:02:00

2005-03-26T03:22:33Z

so I've got this factory job that I work at now. It has 12 hour shifts; I work from 6 pm to 6 am. I picked up some overtime and worked the last 11 nights in a row. big deal. I haven't worked in like 2 years anyways. With my money I hope to buy a small country and reinstate slavery there, but I won't just limit it to one race, everybody will be a slave there. Punk rock investing by the Ramones: "hey 401k, Roth IRA, hey hey!" I get to see sarah tonight for the first time in two weeks. The "people" at work ask me how I can be in a long distance relationship, and I say that it used to be a long distance relationship. I listen to a lot of NPR at midnight and 3 in the morning on my breaks; they have jazz at midnight and the classical music all night is very relaxing. my girlfriend met one of the guys in slipknot. this is iowa afterall. if i joined that band i wouldn't tell you, you would never know, i'd just be wearing a mask and cashing checks for a while and then i'd be done with it and nobody would know. i see sarah in two hours. i'm coming back in may for the rose pageant, like i did last year, but i won't be around for very long at all. in june my brother is getting married in mt. pleasant. the get up kids are breaking up. limp bizkit seems really good compared to the newest new rock revolution of bands. this girl at work told me she was pissed off because she had these two songs stuck in her head all night; it was some song by shinedown and another song by crossfade, and I was like, I usually like having songs stuck in my head, but I can understand your dillema. msu beat duke. i really like arizona; that stoudamire guy is amazing. my little brother is home for the holiday weekend, and he's a journalism major, so I feel compelled to use at least 3 semi-colons when he's around. i think i'm going to get my martin sometime soon, i'm an endorsed artist, you know. i took out a loan to buy a cheap car and its all because i have no credit and i want to buy a house and you need credit to do that. i don't know if we're playing cornerstone or not, there is no communication. i don't know if i want to, i kinda want to sell my amp, who needs 300 tube watts anyways? i had this guy tell me he wanted to "jam" sometime, he knows a guy named kool-aid who is a genius keyboard player. what a douche. i feel less alive than that schiavo lady. 14 or so illegal immigrants were found dead in the back of the semi truck that smuggled them in. nobody gives a damn about them.

I miss the Wheel Inn

2005-02-09T00:26:02Z

I once again find myself a resident of the state of Iowa. I have nothing to do. I'm looking for a job or two or three, probably work at the radio station again; I do have a golden voice, you know. So I'm all alone at my mom's house because she's always gone and I get freaked out so easily. So I didn't sleep last night. I drank a pot and a half of coffee, about 15 cups, in 3 hours. Sounds like the good 'ole days at the Wheel Inn, huh boys? I wish we had a Wheel Inn in Webster City, Iowa, but we don't. Oh wait, we do! There is an all-night truck stop just down the road by the highway, but who's going to go with me? This sucks. I guess it's not the big neon sign that makes the Wheel Inn the "Wheel Inn". Why do they call it an "Inn" anyway? Don't they know that's what little hotels are called? Don't YOU know that's what little hotels are called?! That bugs me now that I think of it. Anyway, I hope that you're all doing OK, I hope to see you soon.

travelin' story.

2004-08-19T20:26:42Z

Iowaismine: so corban and I tried to walk to st johns from ithaca yesterday
oldpersoncore: are you fuckin serious
oldpersoncore: you're idiots
Iowaismine: we made it about 5 hours
Iowaismine: well, we didn't "make it", we walked for about 5 hours
Iowaismine: but then there is that bridge thingy over the marsh, and so we had to walk on the highway, which is illegal
oldpersoncore: how'd that go
Iowaismine: well, it was pretty scary
oldpersoncore: seriously why the hell did you do this
Iowaismine: it was night time and the semis were flying by and such
Iowaismine: we did it on a whim, we've been pretty bored the last couple days
oldpersoncore: that doesn't even count in the bored column though
oldpersoncore: if you're bored watch a movie
oldpersoncore: don't walk for 10 hours
oldpersoncore: on the highway
Iowaismine: we watched a ton of movies
Iowaismine: how do you figure it would take 10 hours?
oldpersoncore: i made that up
Iowaismine: well, we figured it would take about 5 or 6 hours when we started
oldpersoncore: how did you get back?
Iowaismine: but after the marsh there aren't any back roads that go north and south
Iowaismine: of course, I didn't know this until the police officer told me
oldpersoncore: you're making this shit up
Iowaismine: nope
oldpersoncore: you got pulled over for this
oldpersoncore: on foot
Iowaismine: so at about 11 last night, the cops found us and told us we would probably end up walking another 5 hours to make it to st johns
Iowaismine: but only because there aren't any backroads that lead directly to st johns
Iowaismine: not our problem
oldpersoncore: hahah
oldpersoncore: so did the cops take you home or something?
Iowaismine: the cops took us to beck's, and we called conman to come get us
oldpersoncore: haha
oldpersoncore: that's amazing
oldpersoncore: you guys are my heros
Iowaismine: the best part, was when it got dark, and corban got out the flashlight
oldpersoncore: whahahaha
oldpersoncore: haha
Iowaismine: not funny, yet
oldpersoncore: i'm laugyhing
Iowaismine: well, you know how deer like to run out in front of headlights?
oldpersoncore: yeah
Iowaismine: a deer thought we were headlights
oldpersoncore: i've stopped believing this
Iowaismine: it was really scary
oldpersoncore: i'm just humoring you now
Iowaismine: I didn't see the deer, but corban did, and I screamed like a little girl
oldpersoncore: ahha
oldpersoncore: way to play your role
Iowaismine: whether you believe me or not doesn't add to or take away from my credibility
oldpersoncore: hahaha
Iowaismine: nor does it matter, I'm just telling you a story
oldpersoncore: allright, well how do you feel about going down to nates pretty quickly in the next week or two and run through stuff
oldpersoncore: before school starts for me and nate
Iowaismine: well, corban and I should start walking now, I guess
oldpersoncore: aaha
oldpersoncore: yeh, and you have to carry my double pedals
oldpersoncore: take a wagon
Iowaismine: ok ok ok
Iowaismine: your wit exceeds my attention span
oldpersoncore: fine. i'm just gonna call you a cunt and be done with it
oldpersoncore: i'm out
Iowaismine: aight
oldpersoncore is away at 1:22:17 PM.

what up

2004-07-29T19:47:37Z

The best part about touring is the free stuff you get... free movies and rock and roll concerts and eating people's food. I guess if you had some kinda complex about running away, then touring would be your gig, but the novelty of being in a different state almost everyday wears off pretty quickly. I was reading mere christianity and he was talking about the initial thrill of doing any new thing, and how it's really dissapointing to most people when that thrill wears off, but he was saying how he'd rather skip that first thrill because when that dies off you discover a longer-lasting deeper joy in what you're doing. What ev. If you're in Michigan we'll be playing in royal oak tonight, lansing tomorrow, and somewhere in GR the night after that. Sorry that I don't have the details... you COULD check out our new website, but it's been a pain to get up and near impossible for us to update, so please don't be that guy that emails us in a patronizing tone and suggests we update our site like we're a bunch of lazy and unmotivated slobs... eat me. I wish I had some good stories from tour, but I guess this was a boring tour... can you say that? We had fun, but in smaller, less-memorable doses. Maybe one of the other guys can remember something cool that happened, all I remember are really long drives to play in front of nobody and get no money... but I'm not jaded, don't get me wrong. Copeland is going on tour with Lovedrug, and from what I've heard of Lovedrug's new record, it sounds really great, so that should be a tour not to be missed. I hope I see some familiar faces in the next couple of days, that would really make me happier. August 6th is 2 years for Sarah and I, and the band will be in iowa at that time, no coincidence. Anyways, I should go, take care.

Hey everybody!!

2004-07-08T16:18:53Z

I haven't posted in this thing in a while (I guess that's what you're supposed to say when you haven't posted in this thing in a while) and the other rule is you're supposed to post something uber-cool when you finally DO post. So The Last Broadcast is going on tour, officially leaving last night, but not leaving michigan until this weekend. I thought I would post our tour dates in case anybody out there is in the mood for a good time.

7/2/04 – Bushnell, IL @ Cornerstone Festival
7/7/04 – Grand Rapids, MI @ The End of the World Café
7/8/04 – Owosso, MI @ The Hub
7/9/04 – Millington, MI @ Millington First Church of God
7/10/04 – Franklin, OH @ Chapel Coffee House
7/11/04 – Dayton, OH @ Elbo’s
7/12/04 – Rochester, NY @ Water Street Music Hall
7/13/04 – Phillipsburg, NJ @ Kate’s Kafe
7/14/04 – Carthage, NY @ Carthage Skate Park
7/15/04 – New York City, NY @ Siberia
7/16/04 – Norfolk, VA @ Michael Bob's
7/17/04 – Charleston, SC @ Johnny Ola's
7/18/04 – Atlanta, GA @ Masquerade
7/19/04 – Orlando, FL @ Calico Jack's
7/21/04 – Tallahassee, FL @ Big Daddy’s
7/23/04 – Pensacola, FL @ End of the Line Café
7/24/04 – Hernando, MS@ Higher Ground
7/25/04 – Nashville, TN @ Some guy’s house
7/26/04 – Wilmore, KY @ The Wilmore Campgrounds
7/27/04 – Louisville, KY @ The Rudyard Kipling
7/30/04 – Lansing, MI @ Eastern High School
8/1/04 – East Peoria, IL @ East Peoria Legion Hall
8/5/04 – Cedar Rapids, IA @ The Casbah
8/6/04 – Ankeny, IA @ The Junkyard
8/7/04 – Chicago, IL @ The Factory
8/10/04 - St. Louis, MI @ Church of God Campground
8/20/04 – Lawton, OK @ Cosmic Grind
8/21/04 – Garden City, KS @ National Guard Armory
8/26/04 – Indianapolis, IN @ The House Café and Music
8/27/04 – Goshen, IN @ The Post
8/28/04 – Hamilton, OH @ The Big House Cafe
8/29/04 – Livonia, MI @ The Agape Church
More Dates Coming Soon

Have a good summer everybody! Oh, and check out our new website, which should be up VERY soon... www.thelastbroadcast.net

iowaismine @ 2004-05-29T11:26:00

2004-05-29T16:29:29Z

Justin's open house is today and his graduation is tomorrow, I guess that was the reason I came back from Michigan a couple weeks ago. I had to paint the bathroom last week and it was a really weird feeling, I guess if you've ever painted a room before you moved out you'd know what I'm talking about. Sarah came up and helped me sort and box all my stuff, I'm hoping to have a garage sale or two so if you have a garage and you'd be interested in selling stuff let me know. The official song of my move is Mae's unreleased song on their purevolume.com site. Conman and I are going to try to get jobs when I move in on Monday, but if we can't we'll just work on our tans, atleast we'll be working. Bye.

iowaismine @ 2004-05-27T12:19:00

2004-05-27T17:23:08Z

Hi.
So I went to see the get up kids and motion city soundtrack on wednesday *cough* and dashboard and thrice *cough*. Too bad I was too cool to be on time because we missed MCS, the coolest band until I hear the next coolest band, but the get up kids were sweet. They came out to when the levee breaks. Thrice was the absolute most boring band I've ever seen. I went to the bathroom during their set and when I came out the singer was playing an acoustic song, how cliche. I yelled "get over yourself". I was in a pretty bad mood the whole time because it was like spring break in there. Come on, you get it. OK, still working on the tour and trying to sell my car. Goodbye.

iowaismine @ 2004-05-24T20:52:00

2004-05-25T02:00:01Z

I like to stay away from all things scene, but Underoath just happens to bother me so much that when I come across something like this I just feel compelled to do something about it. Even though not everybody will agree with me that this band sold out whatever they had that was unique about them a long time ago, there is something to be said that out of a 6-person band there are only one or two original members left. I'm not even sure if Tim is an original member, he's been in the band for as long as I care to remember, but listen to what he said when asked about they're new record trying to cross over into a more mainstream sound:

“If hardcore kids want to like us, that’s awesome,” McTague elaborates, “but we’re not trying to impress them. And as far as kids saying we’ve sold out…kids like that just like to talk. They might be weirded out at first [by the new album], but hopefully it will catch on, but if not, who cares, you know?”

He was making a good point up until the part about him not caring if his new album is successful. That suprised me at first, but then I finished his thought:

"hopefully it will catch on, but if not, who cares, you know? We don't need critical acclaim to get on TRL anyways."

That's what he was really meaning to say. Oh, by the way, you can read this for yourself on their new website... WHAT?! YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT UNDEROATH HAD A NEW WEBSITE?!! CRACKA PLEASE.

iowaismine @ 2004-05-23T22:53:00

2004-05-24T03:55:08Z

Had to go to some graduation where I didn't know anybody today, and boy was it fun! not. Been working on the tour more than dan and the website as well. Jonathon's Shaft took some great promo shots of the band when I was up there, hopefully you'll get to see some of the more risque shots, they're really artsy. Congratulations to Greg for graduating.

Come on over here boy, have a cigar

2004-05-17T23:55:27Z

Hey people. I got home from a great time in Michigan yesterday, I got my wisdom teeth pulled today. They gave me laughing gas, if you haven't tried it yet, you should. If you have some, you need to give it to me. Going to get back into tour-booking mode, seeing how dan has been striking out like its his job to fail. Ha ha buddy, you don't really suck that bad. I didn't take conman's money, although I should have, I could really use it. I'm looking to have as many garage sales as possible this summer, so if you want to have one, let me know. Ok, everyone slimmed down for summer yet? Got those last few stubborn pounds left? Don't miss Slipknot on Leno tonight. Iowa. Represent.

Hello walls

2004-05-03T19:42:33Z

Good day to all my devoted subscribers. Thanks to your relentless voting, The Last Broadcast has won a spot on the New Band Showcase. Our good friend Dan Snook has taken home the gold with his band Overhang, which you obviously voted for more relentlessly. I will be in mid-Michigan Wednesday night. I also need to borrow a bass for this weekend, if anyone can help me out that'd be great. Been spending all my time trying to book a tour for the LB this summer, Dan and a couple others are helping out as well so it's manageable. Come see us play in your town. Dan sent me a schedule for the tour about two weeks ago. He scheduled 4 days off in MICHIGAN... I revised the tour to schedule 1 day off in FLORIDA, 4 in CALIFORNIA and added a stop in Vegas. Who's the Boss?! ME. Hope you all get through finals week.

iowaismine @ 2004-04-29T19:26:00

2004-04-30T00:26:44Z

I actually feel bad because I know it's my fault.